The Pain Paradox
If you watch the Oprah Winfrey show you are probably aware of her good friend and trusted advisor Dr. Oz. He appears regularly on Oprah, is the c0-author of the “YOU” books (ie “YOU: The Owner’s Manual”), and is the Vice-Chairman of Surgery at Columbia University in New York. Earlier this week Dr. Oz’s team contacted the Take The Stairs World Tour about being a guest on his radio show for an upcoming series. Of course I was thrilled about the opportunity because of Dr. Oz’s incredible work and concrete personal character. So I’ll be recording with him next week in New York and the show will hopefully air in 2-8 weeks. (please post a comment here if you’d like to be notified)
In the pre-interview with his producer one of the topics that came up was “Why do people naturally avoid self-discipline?” And my answer was that either they haven’t yet been made aware of the benefits of self-discipline or that they do not understand a principle that I call:
The Pain Paradox
Most of us avoid self-discipline because we think that it’s “hard.” And, as I describe in my Take The Stairs speech, we then become victims to “creative avoidance” – which is naturally gravitating towards things that are easy to do. But more often than not the “easy” way doesn’t yield results that are “easier” to live with, in the long run. In fact many times the impacts that result from the completed trajectory of living life the “easy” way are quite devastating.
For example, in the “Finances” part of Living a 5 Star Life “The Escalator” mentality is using credit cards. Credit is seemingly easy for me on the front end because I get to have it now and not have to pay for it until later. I get to indulge in the pleasure of owning it now. But the reality is that I don’t own it; it owns me. At least until I pay that debt off.
Saving up to make a purchase on the other hand would be an example of exercising personal restraint, self-discipline, or a “Stairs approach.” While it seems harder on the front end and not as much fun I would encourage you to ask people with tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt which way they’d do it if they had a chance to do it over again. For most in that situation they’ve shared with me that all of that “fun and pleasure” on the front end is very miniscule in a hindsight comparison to the pain and challenge that resulted.
The Pain Paradox is demonstrated with equal clarity in the “Fitness” part of Living a 5 Star Life. We don’t work out because “it’s hard” or “it’s not fun.” But ask someone who has barely survived an intensive stroke as a result of being in poor physical condition which is more difficult. They might be willing to trade the pain they’re experiencing now for what they thought was the hard way earlier in life.
So you see, The Pain Paradox is that:
The person who forms the habit of enduring the pain on the front end is the one who gets to experience the pleasure and enjoyment in the long run.
It’s all about changing your habits. How do you change your habits? For that you’ll have to tune-in to my conversation with Dr. Oz. J
In your life or your business what pain have you been avoiding on the front end? Because there is a chance that the path to what you desire most lies immediately on the other side of a little short term sacrifice. If you feel comfortable, I’d invite for you to openly post a comment about what your pain is that you know you need to confront head on and perhaps we can go through this journey together.
I share the concepts on this blog because I need to be reminded daily of these principles. I take the stairs not because I have indestructible will but because it’s a simple physical display of a commitment that I have to make each day to do the hard work necessary to get what I really want out of this life and the next. Will you join me?
Join the Take The Stairs World Tour:
See you in the stairwell,
Rory Vaden
Tags: business speakers, Dr. Oz, motivational speaker rory vaden, Oprah, performance expert, raising your performance, sales performance, Take The Stairs, world tour
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April 10, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I totally agree to the situation of “The Pain Paradox” and have instructed my children in its valuable training throughout the years. Please notify me of the date and time of your radio interview.
The Pain Paradox is something I have experienced several times over my life, including a stint on the credit card circuit which I have now mastered and some ups and downs regarding physical fitness. It has been a valuable teacher and its instruction has prevented numerous other pains.
The current “pain” stems from spiritual devotion. The ability to sacrifice personal time, putting oneself “out there”, and the emulation of your faith in daily life. I have devoted many years of study and feel like I have explored the intellectual side to its extent. The next steps seem obvious, but I feel it difficult to take them even though I know that it would lead to a future of contentment and happiness. Lend me your comment if you would.
See you at the top.
April 10, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Thanks for sharing Brad. Certainly we will keep you posted on the air of the show with Dr. Oz. He’s an incredible man and it’s awesome to see him take notice of the mission and the message. There is no doubt that physical fitness is one of the most elusive areas of our lives to maintain consistency in. You are not alone in that one.
Although the more important stairwell ultimately is the one that relates to spiritual devotion. I myself, took that intellectual journey about 3 years ago spending a substantial amount of time diving into apologetics and things of that nature. I think it is wise to make sure that our beliefs withstand intellectual scrutiny but knowing that the most important step is that of Faith. If you are on the journey then there is of course already a plan to prosper you and therefore somewhere inside of you is the conviction to believe and act upon things that are unseen. I look forward to taking the journey with you. See you in the stairwell, Rory
April 10, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Hi Rory,
Great points. Please notify me when your Dr. Oz recording is available.
April 10, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Just sent this on to all the student managers and rookies I work with…since the pain paradox is seen with striking, swift clarity on the book field. Thank you for articulating it well, Rory.
April 10, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Glad to hear that these principles are being put to good use. No doubt that Mrs. Jones is the one who taught me this critical lesson and there is no better place for students to learn to embrace it and endure the hardships along with the incredible payoffs than selling books with Southwestern! All my love and support to you and your team. Hopefully they keep the focus. Keep changing lives Virgie. See you in the stairwell, Rory.
April 12, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Rory,
I’m not surprised that you have been noticed by Dr. Oz. As dynamic and gifted as you are, and with the brilliance of your Take the Stairs campaign…you are swiftly moving in the direction of greatness
Please do notify me of this interview, I’d be thrilled to listen to it.
I travel often, and I see your concept played out constantly of how folks look for the most efficient and easiest solution. It makes me wonder about business as a whole…as things move faster and faster, is that really beneficial. Most business models are developed from the principle of producing. However, when folks are constantly being pushed to produce, how are they refilling themselves so they replenish?
You’d be well-suited for some corporate coaching
Thanks Rory!
April 12, 2009 at 7:55 pm
No surprise Dr. Oz contacted a winner! God’s favor continues to be on you Rory! Way to go. Please notify me of the date and time of the broadcast.
I am trying to get our young adults connected to your website…still working on that. They need the challenges you put forth.
God Bless
Lauren
April 12, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I heard my inner-self exhale a long held breathe of frustation when I read about your “pain paradox”. I have struggled with self-discipline—have experienced victory and numbing defeat. I am in them middle of some consequences of creative avoidence. Instead of pushing through the pain of going to class and turning assigments in on time, I’m looking at a semester of college down the drain. I have some dreams that if I’m being honest, I don’t believe that I have the discipline to do. I desperately want to matter…to do something good and meaningful with my life. Yet I compare myself to others who I admire…and I feel inadequate. How can I…who struggle so much to be disciplined in my life, move past this negative cycle of self-defeat? I want to. I need to. I have to. How do you start?
April 12, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Rachel,
Thanks for your openness and transparency. One of the first things you can do to start is to realize that you are not at all alone. There are literally millions of us who are in the exact same situation as you at this exact same moment, just with a different set of challenges. And if there is one thing I’ve seen from the thousands of people I’ve been in contact with it’s that “things are never as good as they sound or as bad as they seem.” While it’s never fun to feel like we’ve “lost” any part of our life, one semester is so small in the grand scheme of things and keeping that perspective gives you peace in times of failure.
It is important to know what your dreams are and to fall asleep at night picturing as vividly as possible what they will be like because that will help you overcome the “nearsightedness” of feeling trapped where you are. But it’s even more important to let go of comparing yourself to others. You already matter! You matter greatly. And you can have Faith that right now you are exactly where you are supposed to be going through exactly what you’re supposed to be going through because you do matter. You are important and valuable.
And let me speak candidly to you that as you are comparing yourself to others who seemingly “have it all together” I 100% guarantee that they are at least as self-conscious and underconfident in their moments of weakness as you. I know because I am. I know because I’ve personally felt the brokenness and partnered with many others through their own brokenness. All of us are comparing ourselves to eachother at the same time and it’s hilarious because we each think that other people know something that we don’t; and that they are on a direct path that we will never be. Wrong! All of us are equally broken, equally unsure of ourselves, and equally weak. And once you make that realization for yourself about everyone else you are then free of that disempowering misconception and it frees you up to do the only thing that will get you out of where you are right now…take action.
That said, don’t wait to you feel good to start taking action. Having a “purpose” or “feeling” good is a luxury; not a necessity of action. As daunting as it may seem, take an inventory of exactly where you are at and what you have to do. You will find that even the greatest of fears and stories are instantly minimized by clearly identifying exactly what the total damage is. Then just take the first step right in front of you. Try not to think about the entire road ahead. Only focus on the first step immediately in front of you. And then the next…and then the next. When you begin to lose hope don’t focus on the totality of everything in your inventory but rather recharge yourself by focusing on those dreams that you have that matter most. The beauty about your own dreams is that there is no one in your head to tell you it’s not possible. Let yourself wander and dream in color, 3d, and as vividly as possible. Then, know that everything you are going through is preparing you for the person that you need to become in order to accomplish those dreams. Let your dreams infiltrate your thoughts and your soul and then channel that energy to take the first and most immediate action step that’s right in front of you.
Visit here often and keep me posted on your progress. See you in the stairwell, Rory
April 19, 2009 at 6:20 am
Hi, I would like to be contacted when your interview is available.
Thanks.